People come in all shapes and sizes and have different personalities. Same is the case with in-laws. Some are wonderful and some are not so wonderful, some might even be mean. And, there might come a time in your married life, when you feel that this wedded kinship is costing you your marriage.
Unhealthy relationship with your in-laws might prove to be a continuous drain on you and may eventually affect your marriage. So, we bring you here a few pointers that might be helpful, if ever, you have to face a tough time with your in-laws.
After marriage, it might come as a shock to realise that there are differences in upbringing between you and your spouse, despite coming from a similar background, and a common social and religious fabric. The way you have lived with your parents may not agree with your in-laws. But, do not pick up a fight with them because of these differences. No two individuals see things from the same perspective. And, maybe, over a period of time you might start benefitting from their different point of view.
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It is very important to not let the tension with your in-laws, reflect in your relationship with your spouse. Never let the channel of communication between you and your significant other, close. That way, you both can work out a solution to any problem pertaining to your in-laws.
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It is essential to set boundaries for a healthy relationship with the in-laws. If possible, try to have this conversation personally, without delegating your partner to do it on your behalf. Some issues might ruffle feathers, but in the long run this will bring peace in your relationships. With this, you would be aware of the other’s expectations or what you are willing to give to the relationship.
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Know what you like, live your life accordingly and, strangely enough, people will start respecting you for who you are. Let them know your limits and also your relationship's limits. So, no one will take you for granted.
Learn to ‘agree to disagree’. You cannot be fighting with your in-laws over religion or politics, or even issues like household chores, every day. Even if something does not agree with you, try to hold back the urge to criticise. And if you have to say something, try to be polite and gentle in pointing people’s mistakes. That way, your suggestions will be more welcome.
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Avoid talking about troubles between you and your partner with your in-laws. Doing so can open an inappropriate line of communication. Instead, talk to a friend and get it off your chest. Just be sure that your friend will not spill the beans to others.
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Try and do things for your in-laws, and make them feel wanted. Even in the direst of situations, remember that there is one thing that you share with your in-laws, love for the person you married. So, just to keep that person happy, bend a little.
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Try spending quality time with your in-laws. Speak to them about the common person in your life. Listen and learn from their experiences. And, when you find something in common, spend time pursuing that common interest.
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Most 'in-law tensions' can be overcome by mutual respect and care. You might be able to sort things out by involving your spouse. However, there can be times when no solution comes through if you come across the proverbial 'monster-in-law'. In such cases, if the damage to the marriage is substantial, then involve some close relatives to sort things out with your in-laws.
One big source of contention can be children. You might feel that your in-laws are really indulging your kids. You might fell like stopping them, but let them have fun together. At the same time, parents have the first right and responsibility of bringing up their children with the right values. So, make them see your point of view later.
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Sometimes love towards your in-laws might not flow naturally. In such a case, make a conscious decision every day to be loving and respectful towards them. Just inculcate a positive attitude and loads of love in your relationship with them.
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