In a way, it’s not just your spouse you are getting married to. The entire family including his mother becomes a part of your life! If you don’t get along with a friend or colleague, you can choose to avoid them and move on with your life. However, you cannot sever ties with your mother-in-law simply because you don’t get along with her.
But, if you share a great bond from day one, you don’t have anything to worry about. To begin with, act the way you want to feel because feelings tend to follow actions. Make sure that you are in an extremely calm frame of mind whenever you meet your mother-in-law and you are sure to evoke positive reactions. With a defensive or suspicious frame of mind, you are likely to evoke negative reactions only.
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If you sense signs of trouble between your mother-in-law and you, try to gain some perspective into her behavior. Maintain your perspective about who she is and what is the cause for her behavior. You should understand her sentiments as well, if all she wants is the best for her child. However, you could be faced with difficult mother-in-laws who are either bullies or too-close-for-comfort. For example, if she is always insisting that “You should try doing things my way.”it helps to smile and thank her for her suggestion but carry on with the task as you intended to do it. If she lives with you, you need to be respectful but lay down the rules and expectations in the beginning itself.
Make sure that your mother-in-law knows how much you love her son and how you want the best for him and are willing to do anything for his happiness. Upon sensing that your goals are the same, she might be willing to let go and feel less insecure. Also, don’t let negative feelings buildup. Try to speak to her about her words or actions which hurt you. Even if she does not stay with you, keep her informed about the important matters concerning your lives.
If all else fails and you find yourself in the middle of a fight with your mother-in-law, don’t bad-mouth or pass snide comments. Don’t shy away from asking your spouse for help too. Apologize for any mistakes you have made. Once you have done that, she will most probably follow suit.
Maintain a positive outlook towards life and keep smiling. It will surely brighten her day! Remember that she gave life to your husband and will remain attached to him all her life. Until she gets used to all the attention being showered on you, make sure that she feels wanted too. Involve her in activities and take her out to make her a part of your life. But remember to save time for your own privacy too.
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