By Namrata Arora Last Updated:
Becoming a parent is one of the greatest blessings from God. The first time you take your baby in your arms, all the worries of life seem to disappear. The little angel that you hold in your arms gives your life a new meaning. But, life is not always fair and things do not turn out the way you wished they would. Becoming a parent to a child with special needs is a demanding and draining task. But, the love you have for your own child helps you overcome any obstacle, come what may. And, because both the parents get so busy in taking care of their child, their personal life seems to take a toll. So, to avoid that situation, we get you a few tips that might help you keep your love life as strong and fresh as possible while taking care of your little one alongside.
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First and foremost, make peace with the fact that your child is a special needs child. He/she is not like the other kids and as the name suggests, is special and not abnormal. He/she is your own blood, your own little baby to look after and nurture.
It can be very stressful to take care of the child alone. It will only result in one partner being tired and cranky all the time. Instead, work as a team, divide duties and finish all your chores as well as manage the child timely, so that the two of you get some time together.
None of you are responsible for your child being this way. The reason could be genetic or something else. Blaming each other for either your child’s condition or how hectic life has become will only make you both drift further apart.
Yes, it might be tough! Your timings might not match, taking care of the child might leave you exhausted and there could be many more such reasons. But, where there is a will, there is a way; and it is up to you to find that way.
Ask your parents, siblings or trusted friends who know you and your child well, to babysit your child sometimes. By doing so, the two of you can go catch a movie, relax or just go for a couple's spa session.
If you are angry or frustrated with the workload, or you do not know how to handle your child; better talk about them aloud and clear the air with your spouse. Keeping them pent up within you will only make you more grumpy and irritated. But, talking about it might lead to finding a solution!
With a special needs child, all the medical tests, treatments and medicines can disturb your financial backups. And, money matters can cause high levels of frustrations leading to huge fights. So, work as a team on the financial part too. Decide how much money you both can shell out, how much you want to keep aside for your housekeeping, bills, savings and child’s medical expenditure. Fighting will only make matters worse.
If you keep cursing your situation and saying, “why me God?”, not only will you become more depressed and helpless, but the negative energy from you will transcend to your little child. It will also make your partner feel the same way over a period of time. Now you would not want that, would you?
We know taking out time for anything, let alone yourself, can be difficult. But, do not ignore the way you look. Go take a new haircut, keep updating your wardrobe and put on some makeup. Your partner needs to see the attractive you to fall head over heels for you. So, if not for yourself, do it for him/her!
Taking help from institutions that know how to handle special needs children will be beneficial for your child. The child will meet and interact with more children just like him/her, practice activities designed for them that are safe to improve their motor and sensory skills. And, this will also give the two of you a few hours alone every day.
YouTube has hundreds of videos on what all activities you can do with your special needs child to keep him/her engaged. You can also find ways to handle and make their routines better and more organised. You can ask your maid or your in-laws to watch over the child while he/she is busy performing those safe activities and grab a few hour alone for only the two of you. Even if you get to have a cup of coffee over some overdue chitchat, it is more than enough for starters! Incorporate those ideas to make some free time for yourself!
And in the end, your child is your greatest treasure. Love your child and never differentiate or compare him/her with other children. Knowing that you both love your child immensely and will go to any heights to always protect him will definitely get you closer than before.
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So, do not let the stress get to you. Make time for your child by all means, but in doing so, do not forget your spouse. You two have a lifetime commitment to take care of your child in more ways than one. And at the same time, you two have to make every possible effort to keep that spark of romance in your marriage alive, always!
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